I have always been something ranging from a sceptic to a realist. As much as I wanted to believe all the magical, hocus pocus, Universe knows best type of things, I rather saw magic as belonging to fiction and not reality. However, last year, as I descended into one of those emotional bottoms of my being, Universe sent me a sign. It was nothing mystical, complicated or ripe for metaphorical unravelings, but a straightforward sign that said “Stop whining, pack your bags, you’re going to Johannesburg.”
It was a time when the low points of life became just everyday life for me. Besides being caged in the confinements of my narrow-minded self, I also felt drained from sitting in the same place, with same people, mind frame and life. I reached the age when everyone told me I had to make important decisions, move forward, get married, children, the whole patriarchal shebang, intensified by the crazy/cheeky/stern Balkan mentality. However, the emotional drain, which was slowed down only by the presence of my boyfriend Nemanja, meant that I craved love in its purest and most joyful form.
The previous year I suffered a great loss, as I was denied one of my greatest joys in life, the British car show Top Gear. I know what you think – that might be the most unexpected thing to say following the words ‘greatest joys in life’, but, I’m weird like that. In a way, they brought me and my bf together, were a large topic of conversation on our first date, and a constant source of happiness for many years. The three wise men were our lucky charm, and there was no day when they did not find a way into our conversations. When the show reached the end in its original form we were inconsolable. As they left the screens, the smile left my face.
The Boys start filming their new show for Amazon Prime, The Grand Tour, and I win a trip to Johannesburg for the first studio recording. I get the message while at work, fall on the floor crying and boss sends me home to celebrate / stop disrupting work.
It wasn’t that Amazon paid for first class tickets for me and Nemanja from Serbia to the South African Republic, or that it was a new continent for me, that I could see my uncle and cousin who live there, but it was all about them. One of the greatest writers of our time, and one of my personal favourites on all things deeply magical, Wayne Dyer, wrote in Real Magic that the Teacher would appear, in many different forms, when we are ready. That day, I was ready for my teacher to show me the bigger picture of the world and power of unconditional love.
As the emotions returned to my heart and charged me with energy, manifested in tears, blabbering and a multitude of hugs, I was reminded of all the times I searched and asked for the magical. The bigger picture was that when I truly needed it, and stopped asking and feeling the constant need for it, the magical found me. It was not random, by chance, but at the right time, when I was ready. It took the form of what I believe in most, the three silly, middle aged, British angels who make me laugh with their childish ways.
If you keep thinking how it is possible to even bring up the topic of Universe’s power and real magic in the context of Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond, then you are immediately going about this the wrong way. That is the key! The most mundane of things are as magical as you make them be. “It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” And it was the love I felt for what the guys did, every single day, that made them the essence of the magical in my eyes, and what ultimately got me to them.
That Sunday remains the greatest day of my life; not only for the surreal experience of seeing them in person, and meeting Andy Wilman, James and Richard, but because of the warmth in their eyes with which they received us. Here I’ll add also the general tolerance for my emotional outbursts in the likes of “This is the pinnacle of my existence” and the classic “This moment is why I kept myself alive for the past 25 years”.
I guess what I am trying to say in the most roundabout, descriptive way is act as if your dreams are already a part of your reality. Nothing is too far or too big. I already know that I will see them again, and I will meet them with the equally improper emotional attitude, but the love I have will always come across as the kindest and most grateful of feelings.
And whenever I think that these might be just empty words, I remember that a once depressed girl from a small town in Serbia got to hug James May on a meadow outside of Johannesburg. That makes me smile. If that is not magic, well….
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